time = time(); $this->startSession(); } /** * startSession - Performs all the actions necessary to * initialize this session object. Tries to determine if the * the user has logged in already, and sets the variables * accordingly. Also takes advantage of this page load to * update the active visitors tables. */ function startSession(){ global $database; //The database connection session_start(); //Tell PHP to start the session /* Determine if user is logged in */ $this->logged_in = $this->checkLogin(); /** * Set guest value to users not logged in, and update * active guests table accordingly. */ if(!$this->logged_in){ $this->username = $_SESSION['username'] = GUEST_NAME; $this->userlevel = GUEST_LEVEL; $database->addActiveGuest($_SERVER['REMOTE_ADDR'], $this->time); } /* Update users last active timestamp */ else{ $database->addActiveUser($this->username, $this->time); } /* Remove inactive visitors from database */ $database->removeInactiveUsers(); $database->removeInactiveGuests(); /* Set referrer page */ if(isset($_SESSION['url'])){ $this->referrer = $_SESSION['url']; }else{ $this->referrer = "/"; } /* Set current url */ $this->url = $_SESSION['url'] = $_SERVER['PHP_SELF']; } /** * checkLogin - Checks if the user has already previously * logged in, and a session with the user has already been * established. Also checks to see if user has been remembered. * If so, the database is queried to make sure of the user's * authenticity. Returns true if the user has logged in. */ function checkLogin(){ global $database; //The database connection /* Check if user has been remembered */ if(isset($_COOKIE['cookname']) && isset($_COOKIE['cookid'])){ $this->username = $_SESSION['username'] = $_COOKIE['cookname']; $this->userid = $_SESSION['userid'] = $_COOKIE['cookid']; } /* Username and userid have been set and not guest */ if(isset($_SESSION['username']) && isset($_SESSION['userid']) && $_SESSION['username'] != GUEST_NAME){ /* Confirm that username and userid are valid */ if($database->confirmUserID($_SESSION['username'], $_SESSION['userid']) != 0){ /* Variables are incorrect, user not logged in */ unset($_SESSION['username']); unset($_SESSION['userid']); return false; } /* User is logged in, set class variables */ $this->userinfo = $database->getUserInfo($_SESSION['username']); $this->username = $this->userinfo['username']; $this->userid = $this->userinfo['userid']; $this->userlevel = $this->userinfo['userlevel']; return true; } /* User not logged in */ else{ return false; } } /** * login - The user has submitted his username and password * through the login form, this function checks the authenticity * of that information in the database and creates the session. * Effectively logging in the user if all goes well. */ function login($subuser, $subpass, $subremember){ global $database, $form; //The database and form object /* Username error checking */ $field = "user"; //Use field name for username if(!$subuser || strlen($subuser = trim($subuser)) == 0){ $form->setError($field, "* Username not entered"); } else{ /* Check if username is not alphanumeric */ if(!eregi("^([0-9a-z])*$", $subuser)){ $form->setError($field, "* only letters and numbers allowed and no spaces"); } } /* Password error checking */ $field = "pass"; //Use field name for password if(!$subpass){ $form->setError($field, "* Password not entered"); } /* Return if form errors exist */ if($form->num_errors > 0){ return false; } /* Checks that username is in database and password is correct */ $subuser = stripslashes($subuser); $result = $database->confirmUserPass($subuser, md5($subpass)); /* Check error codes */ if($result == 1){ $field = "user"; $form->setError($field, "* Username not found"); } else if($result == 2){ $field = "pass"; $form->setError($field, "* Invalid password"); } /* Return if form errors exist */ if($form->num_errors > 0){ return false; } /* Username and password correct, register session variables */ $this->userinfo = $database->getUserInfo($subuser); $this->username = $_SESSION['username'] = $this->userinfo['username']; $this->userid = $_SESSION['userid'] = $this->generateRandID(); $this->userlevel = $this->userinfo['userlevel']; /* Insert userid into database and update active users table */ $database->updateUserField($this->username, "userid", $this->userid); $database->addActiveUser($this->username, $this->time); $database->removeActiveGuest($_SERVER['REMOTE_ADDR']); /** * This is the cool part: the user has requested that we remember that * he's logged in, so we set two cookies. One to hold his username, * and one to hold his random value userid. It expires by the time * specified in constants.php. Now, next time he comes to our site, we will * log him in automatically, but only if he didn't log out before he left. */ if($subremember){ setcookie("cookname", $this->username, time()+COOKIE_EXPIRE, COOKIE_PATH); setcookie("cookid", $this->userid, time()+COOKIE_EXPIRE, COOKIE_PATH); } /* Login completed successfully */ return true; } /** * logout - Gets called when the user wants to be logged out of the * website. It deletes any cookies that were stored on the users * computer as a result of him wanting to be remembered, and also * unsets session variables and demotes his user level to guest. */ function logout(){ global $database; //The database connection /** * Delete cookies - the time must be in the past, * so just negate what you added when creating the * cookie. */ if(isset($_COOKIE['cookname']) && isset($_COOKIE['cookid'])){ setcookie("cookname", "", time()-COOKIE_EXPIRE, COOKIE_PATH); setcookie("cookid", "", time()-COOKIE_EXPIRE, COOKIE_PATH); } /* Unset PHP session variables */ unset($_SESSION['username']); unset($_SESSION['userid']); /* Reflect fact that user has logged out */ $this->logged_in = false; /** * Remove from active users table and add to * active guests tables. */ $database->removeActiveUser($this->username); $database->addActiveGuest($_SERVER['REMOTE_ADDR'], $this->time); /* Set user level to guest */ $this->username = GUEST_NAME; $this->userlevel = GUEST_LEVEL; } /** * register - Gets called when the user has just submitted the * registration form. Determines if there were any errors with * the entry fields, if so, it records the errors and returns * 1. If no errors were found, it registers the new user and * returns 0. Returns 2 if registration failed. */ function register($subuser, $subpass, $subemail){ global $database, $form, $mailer; //The database, form and mailer object /* Username error checking */ $field = "user"; //Use field name for username if(!$subuser || strlen($subuser = trim($subuser)) == 0){ $form->setError($field, "* Username not entered"); } else{ /* Spruce up username, check length */ $subuser = stripslashes($subuser); if(strlen($subuser) < 5){ $form->setError($field, "* Username below 5 characters"); } else if(strlen($subuser) > 30){ $form->setError($field, "* Username above 30 characters"); } /* Check if username is not alphanumeric */ else if(!eregi("^([0-9a-z])+$", $subuser)){ $form->setError($field, "* * only letters and numbers allowed and no spaces"); } /* Check if username is reserved */ else if(strcasecmp($subuser, GUEST_NAME) == 0){ $form->setError($field, "* Username reserved word"); } /* Check if username is already in use */ else if($database->usernameTaken($subuser)){ $form->setError($field, "* Username already in use"); } /* Check if username is banned */ else if($database->usernameBanned($subuser)){ $form->setError($field, "* Username banned"); } } /* Password error checking */ $field = "pass"; //Use field name for password if(!$subpass){ $form->setError($field, "* Password not entered"); } else{ /* Spruce up password and check length*/ $subpass = stripslashes($subpass); if(strlen($subpass) < 4){ $form->setError($field, "* Password too short"); } /* Check if password is not alphanumeric */ else if(!eregi("^([0-9a-z])+$", ($subpass = trim($subpass)))){ $form->setError($field, "* * only letters and numbers allowed and no spaces"); } /** * Note: I trimmed the password only after I checked the length * because if you fill the password field up with spaces * it looks like a lot more characters than 4, so it looks * kind of stupid to report "password too short". */ } /* Email error checking */ $field = "email"; //Use field name for email if(!$subemail || strlen($subemail = trim($subemail)) == 0){ $form->setError($field, "* Email not entered"); } else{ /* Check if valid email address */ $regex = "^[_+a-z0-9-]+(\.[_+a-z0-9-]+)*" ."@[a-z0-9-]+(\.[a-z0-9-]{1,})*" ."\.([a-z]{2,}){1}$"; if(!eregi($regex,$subemail)){ $form->setError($field, "* Email invalid"); } $subemail = stripslashes($subemail); } /* Errors exist, have user correct them */ if($form->num_errors > 0){ return 1; //Errors with form } /* No errors, add the new account to the */ else{ if($database->addNewUser($subuser, md5($subpass), $subemail)){ if(EMAIL_WELCOME){ $mailer->sendWelcome($subuser,$subemail,$subpass); } return 0; //New user added succesfully }else{ return 2; //Registration attempt failed } } } /** * editAccount - Attempts to edit the user's account information * including the password, which it first makes sure is correct * if entered, if so and the new password is in the right * format, the change is made. All other fields are changed * automatically. */ function editAccount($subcurpass, $subnewpass, $subemail){ global $database, $form; //The database and form object /* New password entered */ if($subnewpass){ /* Current Password error checking */ $field = "curpass"; //Use field name for current password if(!$subcurpass){ $form->setError($field, "* Current Password not entered"); } else{ /* Check if password too short or is not alphanumeric */ $subcurpass = stripslashes($subcurpass); if(strlen($subcurpass) < 4 || !eregi("^([0-9a-z])+$", ($subcurpass = trim($subcurpass)))){ $form->setError($field, "* Current Password incorrect"); } /* Password entered is incorrect */ if($database->confirmUserPass($this->username,md5($subcurpass)) != 0){ $form->setError($field, "* Current Password incorrect"); } } /* New Password error checking */ $field = "newpass"; //Use field name for new password /* Spruce up password and check length*/ $subpass = stripslashes($subnewpass); if(strlen($subnewpass) < 4){ $form->setError($field, "* New Password too short"); } /* Check if password is not alphanumeric */ else if(!eregi("^([0-9a-z])+$", ($subnewpass = trim($subnewpass)))){ $form->setError($field, "* New Password not alphanumeric"); } } /* Change password attempted */ else if($subcurpass){ /* New Password error reporting */ $field = "newpass"; //Use field name for new password $form->setError($field, "* New Password not entered"); } /* Email error checking */ $field = "email"; //Use field name for email if($subemail && strlen($subemail = trim($subemail)) > 0){ /* Check if valid email address */ $regex = "^[_+a-z0-9-]+(\.[_+a-z0-9-]+)*" ."@[a-z0-9-]+(\.[a-z0-9-]{1,})*" ."\.([a-z]{2,}){1}$"; if(!eregi($regex,$subemail)){ $form->setError($field, "* Email invalid"); } $subemail = stripslashes($subemail); } /* Errors exist, have user correct them */ if($form->num_errors > 0){ return false; //Errors with form } /* Update password since there were no errors */ if($subcurpass && $subnewpass){ $database->updateUserField($this->username,"password",md5($subnewpass)); } /* Change Email */ if($subemail){ $database->updateUserField($this->username,"email",$subemail); } /* Success! */ return true; } /** * isAdmin - Returns true if currently logged in user is * an administrator, false otherwise. */ function isAdmin(){ return ($this->userlevel == ADMIN_LEVEL || $this->username == ADMIN_NAME); } /** * generateRandID - Generates a string made up of randomized * letters (lower and upper case) and digits and returns * the md5 hash of it to be used as a userid. */ function generateRandID(){ return md5($this->generateRandStr(16)); } /** * generateRandStr - Generates a string made up of randomized * letters (lower and upper case) and digits, the length * is a specified parameter. */ function generateRandStr($length){ $randstr = ""; for($i=0; $i<$length; $i++){ $randnum = mt_rand(0,61); if($randnum < 10){ $randstr .= chr($randnum+48); }else if($randnum < 36){ $randstr .= chr($randnum+55); }else{ $randstr .= chr($randnum+61); } } return $randstr; } }; /** * Initialize session object - This must be initialized before * the form object because the form uses session variables, * which cannot be accessed unless the session has started. */ $session = new Session; /* Initialize form object */ $form = new Form; ?> Ricky Gervais... Obviously. " ."" .""; $forminput = "" ."" ."" . ""; if($session->logged_in){ $toptagline ="" ."" .""; $forminput = ""; } else{ /** * User not logged in, display the login form. * If user has already tried to login, but errors were * found, display the total number of errors. * If errors occurred, they will be displayed. */ if($form->num_errors > 0){ $errorline = ""; } } $membersline = "There are ".$database->getNumMembers()." members signed up to Ricky Gervais.Com - ". $database->num_active_users ." are signed in now and there are " . $database->num_active_guests. " people just visiting"; ?>

  By rights Ricky Gervais should be popping up in every American sitcom as a butler, in every Hollywood film as a one-eyed baddie and in so many adverts he's perceived as Linda Barker in a maternity suit.
   That's the kind of destiny reserved for British comedians who create a comic character so loved and aped in every continent that they win the highest plaudits the world's award panels can shower on them.
   But the fat, pasty-faced bloke from Reading can't play that game. He hates fame, has no need for money and cringes when he is lazily referred to as a genius. To Gervais the one quote that trumps all' the sycophancy was uttered by Clint Eastwood, on behalf of America, when The Office picked up the first of this year's two Golden Globes: "Who the f*** are these guys?"
   Anonymity, or the little he can steal while trying to take his comedy on to a higher plane, is the state where Gervais wants to live.
   His idea of a perfect day is spending eight hours behind his desk in a sparse Soho room, blinds drawn, head down, chiselling out sentences or sorting out admin on his computer.
   It turns out all he ever wanted to do was work in The Office, "I don't exist to see my fat face popping up everywhere, because I don't think any of us were meant to be famous," he says. "I'd rather come to my office, shut out the world, sweat and get a headache.
   "I can't understand why so many people actually like fame. And the frightening thing with most of them is that they're never famous enough. When I've been on the telly I can't wait for all the fuss to die down, so when I'm walking down the street nobody's shouting: 'oi, Ricky' at me.
   "But most of the these so-called famous people spend their nights zapping the TV control, screaming: 'Come on; I must be on a repeat somewhere.'
   "Most kids' ambition today is to have their face recognised. Put the bloke who discovers the cure for Aids next to someone from Hollyoaks and they'd be in awe of the actor from Hollyoaks every time.
   "And I don't get it, because fame is the bottom of the pile," No one is better equipped to ridicule celebrity than the man who, three years ago, was a virtual unknown.
   Gervais, 43, had appeared on Channel4's little-watched 11 O'Clock Show, but before that his only attempt to gain national attention . was as a pretentious New Romantic in a band called Seona Dancing. As his highest chart position of 79 testifies, he didn't manage it. If radio station Xftn hadn't failed to renew his contract as head of speech and he hadn't sat down with mate Stephen Merchant to write The Office, we'd probably never have heard of him.
   But with six Baftas, two Golden Globes and one of his DVDs in everyone's collection, that's now an impossibility.
   Surely the acceptable face of fame is the smile on his bank manager's face, I ask. But Gervais has no time for that either. "I knock back ad campaigns, corporates and films all the time," says the man who claims his wealth is more Paul O'Grady than Paul McCartney,
   "I get paid well, but I've never been a collector of money or possessions. I can't change my habits, so I try to spend the money before it gets to me because it makes me panic. I'll make sure I give the support acts double pay, things like that, because money gives me the creeps.
   "At first I did corporates through guilt, because they were offering me my dad's annual salary and I thought it would be obscene to turn that down. But then I decided not to feel guilty simply because it was money for old rope. So I stopped.
   "All these film offers do for me is confirm how lazy and rubbish the British film industry is. It's get an old actor for a cameo, get a comedian whose been on telly for two weeks and make a grim northern tale about a f***ing hockey team. Not for me.
   "I don't have to work again. In fact I had enough money to retire after the first year of The Office. And I look after my assets, making sure no one's ripping me' off, but a cheque in the post doesn't excite me.
   The fact that Simpsons creator, Matt Groening likes The Office excites me more. Writing a good joke excites me so much more that I can't sleep at night.
   "I like success. I like keeping my artistic freedom. That's why I got out of The Office after two series because I didn't want to cheat people. When I see writers going on for a fifth series just for the money I think: 'Shame on you.'
   "It's embarrassing enough doing a job as worthless as acting, so you might as well do it as well as you can," he says before cringing, observing: "I've just realised what I said there. I'll have to use that again", and bursting into one of his wild, diabolical David Brent laughs.

With Gervais, you're never far away from Wernham Hogg's finest.
   This confusion spreads to his stand-up work. In his first DVD Animals, critics struggled to distinguish between Brent and Gervais. It's the same in his new one, Politics. Both take material dangerously close to the very edge.
   Few sitcom characters do gags about black men's penises, and few stand-ups construct an act around the Holocaust, cripples, sweat-shops, Gandhi, sexual assaults, paedophiles, Aids, self-asphixiation, drought, famine, the blind and Nelson Mandela.
   Gervais says: "People didn't watch Till Death Us Do Part and think Warren Mitchell believed all that racist stuff, and I hope it's the same with me. I play a confused, vulnerable schoolboy buffoon.
   "I can justify every joke completely and I never think: 'I got away with that one.'"
   Watch Politics and your first thought will probably be: This IS Brent. But get into it and you realise there's a quite brilliant cleverness going on.
   Example: "Nelson Mandela was inside for 25 years but he hasn't reoffended in 14 years. And they say prison doesn't work."
   He does tend to have an unhealthy obsession with the disabled, though. Why so many wheelchair gags?
   "My producer is disabled. He was the one who told me disabled people get pushed out of the way in social situations. It's satire.
   "When I started out on telly some people had me down as a racist. It was because I used my real name instead of something like Billy Bigot or Ali G. It's taken people three years to get the fact that it's a joke."
   Ricky, the youngest of four children, was born into a working-class family in Reading. His mum Eva died of lung cancer in January 2001, aged 74. His dad Jerry, a French Canadian labourer, died a year later.
   He is a private man. "I've only got 10 friends in the world," he says. For 20 years he's lived in North London with TV producer Jane Fallon. They have a cat called Ollie and a salamander called Tel.
   He cares passionately about animals. "See them bullfights? When I see a toreador getting gored I think: 'Good, you shouldn't be in there.'
   "What is the pleasure seeing an animal speared to death? It's the same with fox hunting. They're just psychopaths. I think I'll end up doing something with animals - running a sanctuary or something."
   He has an animated comedy book out called Flanimals which Hollywood is about to turn into a film. Next year his new sitcom Extras will be screened, with Gervais playing an actor who can't get a proper job. He's written 20 minutes of his next stand-up act.
   So plenty of daily grind ahead to keep him occupied in this little office. Unlike Slough's Wernham Hogg branch, though, I can't see any awards or pearls of wisdom from Des'ree hanging on his wall. Does he live by any philosophy?
   "I'm basically a 'do unto others' type person. I don't have any religious feelings because I'm an atheist, but I live my life like there's a God. And if there was he'd probably love me."
   Well, he'd certainly have a box set of The Office. Fact.
  
  mirrorfeatures@mgn.co.uk Ricky's live DVD Politics is released today. Further information: www.rickygervais.com
 




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